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Bartenders share 13 things they’d love to tell customers but can’t

Flickr / Tedx Somerville

While you may have the liquid courage to say whatever you want in
a bar, there
are some things that bartenders just won’t tell you, even if
it’s to everyone’s benefit.

So Business Insider asked more than 30 bartenders to weigh in on
what they’d love to tell customers but can’t.

We’ve anonymously included some of the more constructive insights
here:

1. Please don’t order vodka

You’re nice when you stick with beer, but a demon on spirits.

2. Use cash to pay for a single drink

Running credit cards is more time consuming than a cash
transaction, and the tiny tip from one drink is not worth my
extra time.

3. Proceed ordering mixed drinks with caution

Almost no restaurants or bars clean their ice machines as
regularly as they’re supposed to.

4. I’m a person — please treat me like one

I am not a servant. I am not a potential date. Please don’t take
advantage of the fact that I have to treat you in a professional
manner. This is my place of employment, not your house. You are
the guest here. Please behave like one.

5. Order everything at once

Don’t have me make a margarita, then order your buddy a beer
only to realize his girl wanted a margarita, too.

6. I’d love to tell people just how disgusting they are when they’re eating

I hate seeing your chewed up food all over your face while
you’re dripping ranch all over the bar top. How messy could you
possibly be?

7. I see you and I will get to you the second I can

I know you have been waiting for a while. If I haven’t
taken your order, it is for a good reason. Wait just like
everyone else! Everyone wants their drinks asap.

8. Stop hitting on your bartender

The bartender does not want to date you.

9. Put your laptop away — you’re not fooling anyone

Stop trying to ‘work’ at a bar. You’re a functional alcoholic.
Cram your drinking in now and your work in tomorrow.

10. Money talks and bulls–t walks

Time is money and your bar stool is real estate.

“Don’t ask me to hold your seat. Did you ask with a $10 bill? If
not, then the answer is ‘no.’

“And do not get annoyed when people order over you if
you are sitting on a bar stool. Again, you’re on very expensive
real estate. The bar is a place for transactions, not private
dining.”

11. That girl will not go home with you just because you bought her a $9 shot

Some people will buy loads of expensive shots when out in
groups. They’re trying to look flash.

12. You’re overpaying for super expensive cocktails

To figure out just how much you’re overpaying for your favorite
fancy cocktail, check out Quartz’s handy cocktail calculator. You could be paying 400% more than the cost of the ingredients to have your drink
made.

13. I’m judging you on your drink order.

You can tell what type of person someone is by their drink order
in specific bars.”

“If you’re in a bar with tons of other people and it’s loud and
you order something complicated, you clearly don’t value people’s
time. How you react to the bar being out of your ‘usual’ is also
very indicative of your personality.”

Story Source: Business Insider

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